And what a lovely baby she is.

Savannah Margaret, born February 13th at 9:24 am. She weighed 8lbs 14oz and was 20 inches long. What a precious gem. She is totally healthy. No traces of jaundice and she started gaining weight earlier than expected. I am tired, but happy. I don't think I could possibly imagine a way for things to go better than they did. I can't say enough good and happy things. We are thrilled to pieces. Birth story to follow.

It seems that I have begun riding the waves... Contractions are coming about six minutes apart. They aren't terribly long perhaps about a minute at the outside. But when they are happening they are demanding more and more of my attention, and I'm getting more ummm.. whiny almost. The reaction that surprises me the most is that I keep trying to physically run away from them. Like if I'm in the tub, suddenly I want to be in bed. If I'm in bed, I want to be on the toilet. If I'm on the toilet, I want to pace the living room. But walking around during a contraction is a challenge. In the middle of them, most of my body seems concentrated on the uterine contraction. Except for the occasional thrashing of limbs. Heh. It's been about three hours so far. I can handle all this so far. In between I'm enjoying the rest, feeling incredibly relaxed and happy and close to my sweetie. But I can forsee the challenge ahead when there is diminishing rest periods. Note to self: take it one contraction at a time, one breath at a time. There will be a baby on the other end of this!

At a recent visit, my doctor told me (umprompted) she thought I would cope well with labour. I didn't pay much attention to her comment at first. She doesn't know me that well, and apparently I've done a good job of hiding what a mess I am. Or that's what I thought at first. But then again, I am a strong person in many ways. One of my strengths is knowing what I need, and not being afraid to ask for it. This will serve me well. And I have a lot of tools at my disposal. Great support (thanks to Mom and Max) and plenty of practice with concentration/centering exercises. I do have pretty good control of myself when I decide to use it. No, my doctor doesn't know all the sides of me, some of which are prone to flipping out for no reason, but she must see something. She's been doing this for years and has seen many many expectant mothers so she's got an idea of what to look for. I must have something. The right attitude maybe? She says I've handled pregnancy really well. So why should labour be any different?

Today's weekly doctor's appointment was rather exciting. There has been progress! I'm 25% effaced and 2 cm dilated! Not to say that makes labour imminent. It doesn't. But it's a good sign, it's encouraging. My daily contractions are doing something productive, and we're getting closer to having this baby. Today again it feels real. It was starting to seem as if it might never happen. My doctor is even on call Wednesday and Thursday, so here's hoping I go into labour then.

Of course, there was the somewhat less cool part of the appointment. We had to talk about me being 'overdue'. I'm scheduled for a fetal non-stress test at the end of the week. They'll be watching to be sure that she's active and that her heartrate varies with her activity. They'll call that test either reassuring or non-reassuring. If it's reassuring they'll leave well enough alone for a few more days. If it's non-reassuring, they'll send us for a biophysical profile ultrasound. They'll measure all kinds of stuff and try to determine if there's enough amniotic fluid, the condition of the placenta, her development, etc. If that's reassuring, they'll still give us a few more days to on into spontaneous labour. If not it'll mean specialists and immediate induction. Definitely, that is not the way I want to go. But if she is in distress, I guess better to be safe than sorry. Even if all that goes well and they don't feel the need to immediately intervene, I'll be put on the induction list for this weekend. So depending on how busy they are and all that, then sometime this weekend they'll start pumping fake hormones into me to try and get things started.

So either way, this time next week I'm going to be a Mom. It's finally really going to happen. Now it's just a matter of getting through this week. If all goes well, I'll be in labour before they even start to do their tests. Doc told us "start having lots of sex". Before Max is willing to listen to the doctor's orders, he wants everything taken care of, so we don't have to come home to an empty fridge, a house full of dishes, or bills waiting to be paid. So I've gotta go help him get us ready. Whee!

I guess we shouldn't have trusted the doctors. When asked about the due date, we went ahead and quoted what the ultrasound claimed. February 5th. That was wednesday. That was four days ago. So we're all so horribly impatient for this kid to make her appearance. Somehow, even I had kind of expected her to show up by now, although I said from the beginning that I didn't believe that date. Just because I couldn't rule it out completely, we all went on happily believing the 'experts'. Why didn't I listen to myself? The approximate date I came up with was Valentines Day, and it could very well be right. I guess it's back to the old "wait and see". Ick. How annoying.

Yep, still pregnant.

Just thought I'd save you the trouble of calling. My phone's been ringing off the hook all week, and invariably the first thing out of the caller's mouth is "had that baby yet?". If I'd had the baby and come home since, you probably would have heard. And am I going to get this number of phone calls when I first come home with the new infant? The entire household to be woken up ten times a day. Remind me to unplug the phone when we're sleeping.

Actually, it's been nice to feel so surrounded by love and support. There are lots of people excited about this coming attraction. That's good. I just don't know how many more times I can handle telling people
1) no baby yet
2) we're expecting a girl
3) she doesn't have a name
4) I'm healthy and feeling good
5) I'm more impatient that you are, trust me

What I'd most like is something to take my mind off of the impending event, but there has yet to be anything absorbing enough. Mom and I are going out for supper and then to a play tomorrow night. Perhaps that will do the trick? Here's hoping.

This waiting game is a real head-game. I'm sending myself "relax don't worry about a thing" messages, and I'm planning relaxing comfortable enjoyable activites to fill my time. But it's easier said than done. I keep psyching myself out. My anticipation and excitment come in great waves, and I regularly get a burst of hyper nervous energy (at least once a day, sometimes a few times). And of course everytime I get a burst of energy, part of me thinks "this could be it!". And every tightening in my belly sends "time the contractions" messages to my brain. It's only when I'm walking around the lake and talking with my mom that I'm not on high-alert. I think perhaps I'll enhaust myself with all this watching and waiting.

At least I'm not the only one that's on edge. Max, his mom, and my mom all jump everytime their phone rings and I'm not sitting beside them. I feel bad that their heartrates jump everytime I call, but I can't help it that sometimes I need a favour or just want to talk. We'll all be relieved when it's over. Except for the excitment of all the new things happening. What a stressful time! A joyful time, yes. But still stressful.

I don't like internal exams. Who does, really? It was very strange to have my cervix poked at, but I'm glad I got to experience it once before I am in labour, at least. There has been some progress, which is encouraging. At least I haven't been subjected to boughts of Braxton-Hicks contractions for nothing. But really it's a very minimal amount of progress. It seems that Eggbert's head has finally engaged. My cervix is very soft, but it's still tipped back, hasn't begun to efface (thin out), and it's dilated (opened) less than a centimeter. So we aren't likely to have the baby today. Then again, it could still happen. The Doc asked if our hospital bag is packed yet.

So it's still just sit around and wait until this kid and my body decide that it's time. Tomorrow is the doctor's due date for us, based on the ultrasound. Chances are I'll still be pregnant once tomorrow has come and gone. I'm not surprised. The due date based on my actual cycle puts February 14th as the Big Day. And first pregnancies are more likely to be 'overdue' anyways. So it was kind of expected, but I was kind of hoping this kid would be a keener and we could get the birth over with ASAP and get on with recovery (sounds like not a lot of fun from what I've read and heard) and the buiness of bringing up our baby.

I know I've said it plenty before, and I know that every pregnant woman spends a good portion of the last weeks saying it, but I'm sick of pregnancy. The novelty has worn off, and it's strating to hurt. Just the weight of her, and her movements in my cramped uterus put so much strain on my body. And the stretch marks decided that they should have a big growth spurt in the last week or so. Ick.

Part of me feels really guilty for complaining and whining about pregnancy. I've had a lot of support and very minimal problems with this baby. It's been awfully smooth sailing all along. I sort of wonder what I'm snivelling about. But just because I've had a pregnancy that was easy relative to other women's doesn't mean being pregnant is ever easy. It's tremendously challenging. It's a test of a woman's self-image, of her patience, it's exhausting, it's emotionally draining. Even the easy ones aren't actually easy.

I've had a lot of adjustment to do. The timing of this pregnancy wasn't expected and didn't exactly fit in with my life-plan for myself. I've had to re-adjust and re-evaluate my whole self-image, my priorities. It's a major undertaking. Of course, once I committed fully to doing this, it's been a joy and a pleasure in many ways. I'm really looking forward to meeting my daughter. I have confidence that we will have a good life and be able to provide well for our child. But getting to "Yes!" took some soul-searching, and there are times when my resolve is challenged. There is a whole life I've left behind because of the role I'm stepping into. I was young, had just found a person I was comfortable being, and I wasn't quite done being that person, living that lifestyle. Max had a few years to party and be irresponsible. I had one, and was looking forward to another one or two. I don't resent or regret the change. In many ways, it's better that I move away from that and toward accomplishing the things I want to accomplish. I can see how the lifestyle I had was for the most part wasting time. But I had expected to be there longer. Now, my life is just going to fit together differently than I thought it would. I certainly didn't expect to be engaged at this age. But I've found the other half of me in this man, and there isn't even a question of if we should be together. We are, because that is what is right.